im a tool..

i am the person who people come and talk to about anything about their lives under the sun..
i usually hear the words " kapoy btaw kaau ted" or " kahibaw ba ka teddy.." or " ani ni siya, ted". All expecting me to listen to them. Well, i find that my purpose in most of my friendships. Im used to people telling me all about thier love lives, sex lives and even business lives and all is very interesting.. However, not very fulfilling..

Especially on the stories of people about thier love lives. I feel the pain that they are going through.. I Feel their regrets and share their anger but that just about all i am able to do as a friend. Because the real truth is that no matter how much advise or suggestions and opinions you give, it will never be enough for them to actually follow or to be heard. Example, my friend just broke up with her boyfriend for cheating on her.. As you just simply watch the tears flow and desperately find reasons to to hate the guy more, all that is in their head is all their good memories together and regrets. Dont you just hate that situations? Well,, after all the tears have passed, you then start sharing your ideas and suggestions on how to forget the guy. THEY DONT MATTER.. they only probably heard you at the start.. but dont plan to do or hear you out at all.

in these situations.. we are simply tools to let out all their anger and a listening ear to ease their burdens on.. I hate these situations, but it is our jobs.. but do you know whats worse? when this situation lasts for months! thats just simply tiring.. Get over it already!! its too much!

We know its its great to have an eager friends who is ready to listen to you and help you with the burdens that you carry.. but its just mere stupidity to be really dependent on them and not move on with your normal lives of just hanging out ang talking nonsense about everything that is nonsense.. (ahh.. the good ol times)
anyways.. theres got to be a limit to those situations.. No doubt, its great to be one of the first people you run to in your most troubled situations.. but just dont bring us down with yah..

thats in my perspective anyways..

So, in these situations.. whatever you say to them, whatever you do and however you sympathize with them.. it is still them who has to face the music and rise again from the ashes. Only they themselves can get over the break up and all that we can do is be that little back support that secures them from completely falling into depression..

Im a tool.. to a lot of people, im a tool.. and i know just what to do.. i listen.. thats all theres to it, to be a real friend.

rock and roll people!!

there are just people

i know people..

i know a lot of people.. may they be drug addicts or prostitutes i look at them all the same.. i look at them as people who need the same thing that i need from them.. their respect and friendship..

but i just dont understand why there are just some people who are too DAMAGED to be able to see the bright side of things.

there are also just some people who are incapable of being a friend. Call it their nature or whatever.. there are just some people that you just cannot rely on to be there on your hard times.. No matter how much hope you give for them to change.. they're just too far off of hope..

I dont give up that easily on my friends and those who make me their friends.. i just wish that these damaged people see that it is their fault that they are in their situations now and realize that they have to change..

Being Filipinos its hard to change.. even if the instructions were in front of your face.. but it just simply means that only THEY can change themselves.

Its difficult to have friends like these.. who just cannot see your worth and their own worth.. its just sad really to have people like this damaged..

But just as there are sunrises and sunsets, there are also always people who are exactly the opposite of what i have just said above. there are an equal number of warm and friendly people as there are cold and difficult people.. its just a matter on which people you would rather keep in your own circle of friends.. prove me wrong.. ^_^

flirting

For a speech class, we had to make a speech, memorize it and then present it to the class. I thought of my topic to be about flirting. Not because i am a flirt or anything, I just thought that this would really catch the attention of the whole class and hopefully get a good grade from the audience attentiveness. Unfortunately, i was not able to finish my speech in the allocated time of two minutes ( i was having too much fun and i was nervous as hell!) Anyways, this is my speech, the edited version anyways..

FLIRTING

It may be as simple as looking into someones eye to a meaningful conversation that lasts for hours. It is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction, according to social sciences. Many different people define flirting in many different ways. It is a fact that most people to flirt to open doors to a meaningful relationship. Not necessarily a intimate relationship, a meaningful one (yes theres a difference). It is a way to preserve our specie. if we, the ever noble human beings did not have the instinct to flirt and attract the opposite sex, then human reproduction would cease. it all begins through a meaningful conversation and vibes. To define this critical period of knowing each other is called "flirting"

Flirting is more exciting in social areas like parties, drinking places and even school grounds. Eye contact is essential. Once a good eye contact is made, an interested reaction is that he or she (more specifically she) keeps the eye contact for at least one second. However, the go signal for you to approach is when they glance at you for the second time. Be quick to catch that second glance. On approach, men have the problem in this area. There is no exact script on how to begin a conversation, but just remember: initial impressions are based 55% on appearance and body language, 38% on style of speaking and only 7% on what we actually say. In interaction, be informed of the zones. Social zone ranges from 4ft to 12 ft. away. This is when we wave, nod and acknowledge familiar faces around you. Personal zone is from 4ft to 12inches (1ft). This is for friends, acquaintances and siblings. And the intimate zone is from 12 inches to skin contact (unchartered territory) This zone is reserved for lovers, parents and best friends. Keep in the borderline of the social zone because any attempts nearer can be uncomfortable not only to you, but also the person you will be talking to. Women usually give off "barrier signals" such as folding or tightly crossing their legs or may action rubbing her neck (instead of at the back of the ear) with her elbow facing you. When these are noticed, BACK OFF! Do not be too pushy in eye contact or attempting to touch. Both parties are involved here, so if one does not feel to take it to another level, dont push it. During the conversation, LISTEN and be open-minded. For guys, things things you CAN talk about: common friends, school, work, or both, the place, principles (if any). Basically, anything that is interesting enough to keep the mood up and light. Things NOT to talk about: the first thing in your head when you look at her head to toe, SEX, anything related to sex, ex-girlfriends, and jokes about the date rape drug (Rohypnol) or any drugs of any sort. If you're a joker, joke once in a while, but be tamed on the moments when to stop. Maintain your posture; use your facial expressions to show interest. Nod in approval. Not double nods (it portrays that you are bored) but slow SINGLE nods. Notice positive body language such as the girl slowly moving towards you and have the nerve to reciprocate. Its like dance, its a disaster when only one of you is in the groove.

We might just be afraid of flirting because it makes us vulnerable to rejections and disappointments. When we come to think of it, we tend to flirt even without us knowing. Call it flirting or just being friendly, having new faces into our lives MUST have more positive effects on us than all disappointments and rejections combined. If getting to know another person is fun, then why does flirting have to be any different? Take the risk of being vulnerable, preserve mankind of its species..flirt, love and reproduce.

* All of the above was researched and are supported by credible studies, youtube videos, and experiences. But does NOT AT ALL mean that the above tips are effective. Flirting is something that is meant to be experienced by all. Each unique experience is a memory worth treasuring. So, in a nutshell.. have fun in meeting new people! And when the time will be right, there you will find your true best friends and your eternal lover. heheh CHEESY!! (what isn't cheesy anyways?)

cellphone flicks

i have a cellphone.

pretty cool huh? but id like to remember what the uncle of Peter Parker( Spiderman) said, " with great power, comes great responsibility".

but whats not so very cool is the fact that my present fone is my third one. My first one, was snatched.. The second one was also snatched ( at the same place where i also lost my first one)
There was truly a time where i hated myself so much that i swore to myself to find the bastard who stole it and give him a piece of my hatred.!! I just didnt want to feel the pain of losing something like that again, and wished to rather die than to suffer like that again.. I know people when they lose their fones, they cry because they lose the sim and the quotes they had. I am not one of them, i wouldn't care less if the sim burned or died. Il just ask again for numbers of frends and quotes around will never run out. It is the fone thats important. Its expensive.

But just in case the universe works around and tried to prove me wrong, these are some qoutes that i never get bored of reading:

" I can be your amphetamine: to tell u wag kang susuko; Benzodiazepine: to tell u wag kang mag-alala; Antipsychotic: to tell you wag kang sira; TCA/MAOI/SSRI: to tell you wag ka nang malungkot; Lithium Carbonate: to tell you hinay-hinay lang; Anticonvulsant: to tell you relax ka lng; Antibiotic: to tell you ipaglalaban kita; Analgesic: to tell you ok lng yan,im here to relieve your pain; Multivitamins: to tell you ingat ka palagi" -AC

"92% of what we worry about never really happens, and the 8% left is usually manageable. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere" -JE

"the sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick- the hardest tongue twister in the Guiness book of records" -EA

"Most of the things we desire are expensive but the truth is the things that really satisfy are free: laughter, family, true friends and the most of all.. God's Love" RP-L

"Keep this fishie as a sign of our friendship.. pls take care of this fishie in ur fone and once a week, u have to dip your fone in water so that fishie wont die.. ok? hehe.. morning!" -SiS

"A venti cup of caramel frap from starbucks, d hottest car models, endless shopping from gucci, Ck, Prada.. an iMax ticket.. the coolest nokia fone and iPod.. a dozen pairs of havaianas... hmmm, sounds damn great right?... yet, something is better than all these summed up..wats dat? having you share my 5-peso cup of taho, a long jeepney ride, a dvd marathon, a picture, a song, an overnight in a friends flat, the memories of a lifetym friendship!" - KK

"Define LOVE?? ... according to the nurses, and inteligent people: LOVE is a SICKNESS.. because everbody who gets it.. ends up in bed!" -Sh

"Hotness is not judged by the looks, but how you make others burn in desire." -PJ

"Dont focus on what u lost but wat remains, Dont focus on the pain but how the pain shaped you, Dont focus on the failure but on the great lessons the failure taught.. morning!" -ST

"when i was kindergarten, my teacher told me to write down what i wanted to be when i grow up, I wrote down "HAPPY" she told me i didn't understand the homework.. I told her, she didn't understand LIFE... --in your face! heheh" -Sh

"Beginning are scary, endings are sad...and the middle? well, thats whats counts the most. So do not dwell on a dismal beginning or devote yourself to aim for a happy ending" - JL

" According to Mike Murdocks law of Recognition: everything you need is already in your life, merely awaiting recognition of it.. Anything unrecognized remains uncelebrated by you.. Anything you refuse to celebrate eventually exits your life.. Have you taken a good look around your world lately?" -PJ

thats it.. i thank those people who send these.. I am proud that these messages occupy the inbox of my cellfone! ( I have many more.. but they're either green jokes or im just too lazy nowadays.)

TUBURAN

TUBURAN- some place in the EAST which is at least two hours from the University i STUDIED in and can be reached either from passing the north or the south..

The most irritable thing that people find during our duties in hospitals, and communities are the looooong and never ending requirements!! And the most irritating requirement of all is the LFD (learning feedback diary). Yes, we have heard it all. Duty in psychia ward, "LFD is important to keep your sanity in tact" (paraphrased). Duty in the community, "It is so that you can reflect and keep record of all the experiences here" (still paraphrased). In the OB ward, "It is do that we can remember all the realizations that you have during the duty. Don't we just get tired of keeping our sanity, or reflecting or remembering?? I DON'T.

Not to brag or anything, but i enjoy writing LFD's. I cannot understand why people have a hard time writing down what they have seen, felt or touched from the last 24 hours. I admit, there are times that i get lazy and dont pass LFD's, that is because, i like to commit at least one full hour in writing one LFD. I find it more difficult writing LFD's with a bondpaper and a pen with the additional time pressure. (OK, now i just realized that i dont do well under time pressure) I just think that reflecting on your day deserves even just a little bit of your time. It may keep our sanity in tact, or make us better professionals, i just dont know. Enough of this, today, this is my LFD of my duty in TUBURAN:

" Morbidity Elsewhere"

We were informed that we were going to have duty in Tuburan the night before our duty date. The day before this date, we were pressured by our collecting of certificates from the seminars of different blocks (you all know what i mean). We had a meeting with our CI to clarify on our duty schedules, because most of us were uneasy about the duty in the middle of the week of our seminar. I didnt know what i felt but I was not bothered much by it, because for us, people who lack cases, it was an opportunity to finish our cases, and for those who finished their cases, it was a bother for them.

Upon wake of 5am in the morning to pack my things, i had the idea that we were only to be there for one day, but on my brink of leaving the house, my classmate texted me and reassured me that we were going to have a 16hour duty!? almost flew back to the house and as fast as i can, gathered toiletries, towels and clothes. I was so afraid of being left by the bus that i begged my father to bring me to school. As my father drove the car like it was an airplane, my heart was pounding fast and hard! I thought i was going to have a heart attack! Until reached the school and noticed some of my dutymates still buying FOOD! the bus was still there, but the best part of all, I was not the last one who arrived.

After 2 and a half hour of travel, we arrived in a small hut with three rooms and 3 double decks in each room. It felt comfortable because it reminded me of living in the province. I liked living in the province.

Tuburan District Hospital is a surprisingly clean hospital. Aside from the smell of cat SH*T that smelled, it was well maintained. I was assigned in the ER together with another duty mate. The first 4 hours of duty was OKAY, because it was spent talking ( lots of talking). We had a few patients come, one was a woman with a black eye, which she claimed was done by her husband. In addition, she mentioned that her husband has been doing this to her for the past 3 years! That was just idiotic! It was just now that she came forward to the police and asked for a restraining order. When it ticked 5pm, we had our first ER patient, a 14 year old DOA girl from tabuelan (i think). It was just depressing having a patient die on you. It makes you feel that her death was partly your fault. this may be really bothersome to some people.

My first week in tuburan was spent in the ER. I was not able to touch a chart or a medication ticket. Or roam from room to room establishing rapport to the patients. Or experience the whole service the hospital provides. But I was able to once again gain knowledge about death, this will definitely make me stronger. I was able to give a woman a piece of my mind about her situation. In some small way, I was able to provide service that the hospital required me to. Something as simple as this, is important especially to a remote area such as TUBURAN.

my childhood

sunday.. on my way back from Tuburan (this will be in the next entry) I was half asleep in the jeepney on my way home, then i was just enjoying the familiar scenery of my home city -CEBU!! and then little by little, i started to remember things from my childhood. Bits and pieces of events from which i think that shines a little light on my upbringing. Maybe by posting these experiences, i may understand myself better. Because only by understanding myself can i understand others, something everyone wishes that they could perfectly do.

In cHronological order:

When i was about 4, i remember running around the house and looking at the kitchen counter like it was Sooooo HUGE! I remember hiding under the sink when we played with my siblings.

Around the age of 6 or seven, i remember going to a certain church "SAn Roque". I remember the night when I got my scar. I was running around the church grounds and i ran past a D-Bar (a metal bar used to hold hollow blocks) that was bent . A shallow laceration was made diagonally from my left ear to the back of my ear. A centimeter more, and my eye would have been included in the hit. I remember my parents using a superman t-shirt to cover my face and wash the blood, then they brought me to our volks wagon where i slept immediately. They continued the mass when i asleep for the night.(awwww, i wasnt emergency enough to skip mass. heheh) Surprisingly, I have no memory on how my scar was healing and thinking of the change it was going to have on my face. I guess its a regression of some sort.

I remember in my elementary years, there was a jeepney strike of some sort. And on our way to school, my mom invited STRANGERS from the road. yes, strangers whom i have never seen before. She literally yelled to a group of crowded people in the street waiting for jeep, urging them to ride. I remember being puzzled on why she would do such thing? We had no idea on who they were. They could be snatchers for all i care. And so, i experienced having almost ten people in our jeep-like vehicle as we were brought to school. (Later, i found out that it was a form of charity) It was a very memorable experience because, on our trip, my mom made friends and as one of them offered to pay for the trouble, my mom politely declined.

Around the same time and year, I remember also having people from CIT hitch from us. I was lying down inside our jeep-like vehicle, and then i was bothered by a student who was like 2nd year I think, who suddenly came on board. I remember being confused on what to do (and even thought of kicking him out) But then, we slowed down again and this time, a group of girls climbed in. (whooo!!) Oh no, I was outnumbered and embarrassed for having my hair standing up from lying down. As we then passed by the school, i noticed a LOT ( and i mean a LOT!) of students lining up and crowding for jeepneys. This was also the time that I learned that the thumbs up also meant "hitch".

I was sort of the quiet kid in my childhood days and these experiences just keep ringing n my head. I believe that my morals are rooted from my experiences. And im so glad to have my parents as the MODELS of my life. Everything that I am and I will be, remains because of them.

yey! my first blog!

i kinda heard this blog thing first from my classmates in high school and was curious about it.. then i entered the blog of my friend Bryan (by the way, i dont know where he is anymore) and read about what he wrote in the blog. And honestly, they were all booooring! I lost my interest in some tech stuff called blogging for the next four years! In my four years (in college) of building my interest in writing and two years of being a editor in our College magazine, i found myself yearning for more at the end of the year and at the brink of graduating. So, i am here sitting and wondering what to do while i wait for my board exam and my cases to finish and all those hopes and dreams that my family wants to achieve for themselves. I get this message from friendster telling me something about being able to earn in BLOGSPOT! Of course, with every advertisement having a catch, i did not believe this message (from whom i have no idea came from). Until I saw in some GMA show featuring people who actually earn from blogging! So what the heck! i was missing writing so much anyways, and i am going to have a lot of time in my hands, why not try to invest in my interest in writing and at the same time have a chance to earn money right?

Sooo, this is my first official blog! i am the editor, the author and the god in this page! this is pretty cool! All of my blogs will absolutely come from the top of my head and my experiences. Those whom i might mention and hurt, im sorry and those who i might idolize and praise, dont get too much of yourself.. stay humble! eheheh this blog thing is my outlet, all my disappointments, happiness, and opinions are about to be available for your viewing. Please respect this my friends!

take care and God Bless!